♥ Thursday, February 21, 2008
Do you believe in signs?
I never really thought that signs do exist, and I never bothered knowing the answer either.
Until the day came, and made me realize that it is actually possible, and if FATE’s what you call it, and then maybe this was it.
One thing was obvious and I can truly remember, I envied people around me, and I wished I can be happy again, for whatever reasons I can be happy of, let me experience it again. This was the time; I prayed and asked for happiness.
It didn’t really matter much. Besides, I am happy with the life I have already, but I’ve always had sleepless nights that I wish I had the things that I’ve been wanting to have, and why is it that the things I yearn for aren’t just meant for me.
Maybe the right time just never really came to pass across me. I didn’t want to rush things. And I’ve always believed in Destiny, in Fate – that if one thing is meant to happen, then it will surely happen. And that my life has been planned before me.
My heart was sleeping for a long time. And it got broken the last time I thought it was awake. While it was broken, I’ve decided not to let anyone have it broke again.
I felt tired, my heart was.
Then he finally kept my hopes up. And I knew right away the answers to all the questions.
I’ve awakened, and in an instant I knew my heart was.
The answer was obvious right through my eyes. But I was still unsure.
And I asked myself, “Are you ready to be shattered?”
I don’t know. I never really was ready for anything. And I fear of this the most.
Falling then failing. I just don’t want to get hurt. And above this all, I don’t want to hurt you. Because soon, I know, I’ll be.
I don’t want you become a part of my past; because I can picture you and I together in the future. And mostly, I don’t want to hate you.
All inside me is fear. I fear everything that might actually happen.
In a moment, I know this could happen……..
And I’m not quite sure if I could take the risk again.
The risk of falling in love.
But no matter how fate can be unmistakable, it is even so crucial.
No matter how you say it is all in your hands, I can never control everything.
But I still have to stick with my principle. ...If he stays, then maybe he truly is the one.
Patience. Two years? Who knows? I can never predict our future. We alone can never dictate our fate.
But my hopes are big. They really are. And all these are hopes for the both of us.
And I’m hoping you are too.
Remember our pinky promise?
I won’t let you hold on to something that I know might hurt you in time.
This I mean is an assurance, that no matter how long it takes, whatever it takes, wherever you go, in one corner, you’ll always find your special place.
I’m hoping you could wait for me. Whatever and how long it’ll take.
This for us is important. And this will leave me with a lot of questions unanswered.
Hmm. .
Should I ask for another sign?
My life is not a storybook.11:54 AM
..<3
♥ Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Have been staying alone in this four-cornered room with this deadly silence and unexplainable weariness. On my way here, all i could think was having to live alone AGAIN, yet the fact it's happy that i'll be able to have some peace in my life that i've been wanting to have for a long time. It seemed like anywhere i go, problems have been hunting me which makes me question a lot of things. Sometimes i doubt why these things had to happen, and ask myself, am i this bad?Do i deserve all these?
No one would know the answer. No one would know how much pain i've been going through. Having everything hidden and kept inside of me would make you think it's nothing, but hell, who knows how hard it was for me to surpass all of these.
This was my key of my fretful anxiety. Write, write, write and be alone. Truth is: sometimes it's hard. And a lot of people would never understand. It is true that sometimes having to explainwhy you feel uncertain is harder than having people see that you're happy. At least, these people won't mind, and wont bother to care about you. Truth hurts, that is.
Last night was the worst i had. I couldn't fake a smile anymore. I felt like something was wrong that i had to speak it all up. And so I did without even me noticing it. I was awakened all of asudden. Did i just say those words? Yeah, i just did. I knew something worse was about to happen, and i couldn't take all those back.
And you can't take this away from me. I feel this terrible hatred in my heart. I shouldn't be affected this much. But everyday, it gets harder with certain people involving me.
Maybe it's true that love fades. But if it really does, does it really fade easily?
I don't really now. Right now, i'm still clueless.
Thoughts are wrestling in my head now. I worry about the future. I tend to think ahead. The unknown frightens me. And if i could only predict the future, I would make a choice now, and that choice would have to be only for the better, and the worse wouldn't matter anymore.
But there's no such thing as seeing what's ahead. You have to prepare for the Unknown. Life is a Battle. And whatever it has to offer me, i have to stand tall. Though things now are greatly changing, i have to be strong, and move on, embrace my destiny, and accept the things that i can't change.
My world has consistently changed.
I know there are still a lot i have to face.
I'm hoping that at the end of the road,
i would find peace.
and everyone else i love, would be happy.
I'm still hoping.. and i won't ever lose this.
My life is not a storybook.2:20 PM
..<3
♥ Monday, September 10, 2007
I'm Sad, Happy, Mad.. I don't know what to feel anymore. All i know is that i'm not liking this, whatever this is i'm feeling.. I don't know, everything seems different now. Especially, at home. and the situation i'm at. Feeling ko, I'm left with no choice, life's been cruel lately. For reasons why all this is happening, I don't understand. Sometimes, I just want to cry, let it all out, but I just don't want to, because in the end, i would still be feeling the same thing, and it sucks cause there's no way out.. And LIFE is life. Just life.
Been Hopeless since. been trying to be happy, but it had been a struggle for me. Though i try to hide all that's in me, it gets harder and harder for me. I don't know, weird... so weird. My patience's being tested. But i'm starting to question a lot of things right now..
Where did a happy family go all of a sudden?
It doesn't matter..
Who knows anyway.
My life is not a storybook.2:02 PM
..<3
♥ Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I am struggling with my grades. :( Oh no, help me.:(
My life is not a storybook.6:57 PM
..<3
♥ Sunday, August 12, 2007
Let me quote something form Joshua Harris' book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
"The right thing is not the right thing when it's at the wrong time."
A wrong can never be a right.
Patience is the key. Let's do this the right way this time.
:)
My life is not a storybook.10:59 AM
..<3
♥
I'm no emo anymore. I'm over those days. I learned in the past few days how to be happy, in times, it's so hard to feel that way. It's true what they say that being happy is a choice one has to make. Life isn't perfect; but one can always make it perfect in his/her own possible way. :)
Good Morning!:D What an introduction! haha.
It's a new day! And I have been geeking (there's no such word, i know.) over Algebra since yesterday. Believe me, i mean the WHOLE DAY. Here's what i have to say na lang, WHATADAY! It has been a couple of weeks already and i still feel pressured, stressed and all. I NEED A BREAK too! But that's okay, i can wait until Finals week's done. After, i can do whatever i like! (I wish?) Before i forget, I am failing COMSKI (English). Gawsh, Solid struggle! What is going on in the world? What the hell. I am out.
My life is not a storybook.9:26 AM
..<3
♥ Saturday, June 16, 2007
Hey there! I wasn’t able to update this blog for quite a long time. Maybe because school started two weeks ago. I read all the messages and I thought that I have so many things to share to all. So far, so good naman. I’m enjoying my college life. So many changes have occurred in my life. Lately’s been really different. I miss my high school friends though. Hmm, how do I start ba? I don’t know how. Haha, basta, this week has been stressful, we had long test in Algebra, 60 item quiz in Rizal course, Quiz in Natsci, surprise quiz in History, on the spot recitation in English, and many more paper works, projects, you name it. You see, that was just our second week, yet we did a lot already! But, it was good. So far, I don’t have any failing marks. But I’m starting to hate History, I swear I do. Gawrrr. Anyway, I’m happy because I’m starting to be confident to speak up in front of many people. I’m not sooo shy anymore! Haha. So that’s what’s new about me. My block’s great! Some are quiet, some are not, some are rude, and some are nice. Hmm, actually my blockmates thought at first that I’m a snob, plastic, and rude. But swear, I’m not. Anyway, I always get that impression naman. WHEW. Fun, fun. I’ll keep this up some other time. visit my multiply! I have college pics there!
http://jahjuh.multiply.com
My life is not a storybook.4:37 PM
..<3
♥ Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Got this from Burn's Multiply.=)Two names you go by:
1. Ja
2. Jah. Haha
Two things you're wearing right now:
1. shirt
2. shorts
Two things you want in a relationship:
1. real friendship
2. Love; it defines everything.
Two of your favorite things to do:
1. I-pod
2. sleep
Two things you want at the moment:
1. Blake to win
2. new chucks. (so bad.)
Two pets you've had:
1. Lovebirds
2. Chi-chi, my cat.
Two things you did last night:
1. Read
2. I-podding LOL.
Two things you ate today:
1. Cheezy (junkie)
2. Dinner. whatever
Two people you last talked to:
1. My mommy
2. ate J-ann
Two things you're going to do tomorrow:
1. Attend an orientation at school
2. Meet new friends and blockmates
Two favorite holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Or whenever there's no class :p (I agree, Burn.:D)
Two favorite beverages:
1. COKE. yes.
2. Mango Shake
Two favorite TV shows:
1. Laguna Beach
2. One Tree Hill
Two favorite food:
1. Donuts
2. Shakes
Two of your least favorite things to do:
1. --
2. Doing nothing. (Burn:D)
THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
-- Jaja
-- Jah
-- Janine
THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
-- Watched American Idol
-- Fixed some stuffs for tomorrow
-- I-net
THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
-- Death
-- Losing my family
-- rats
THREE IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE:
-- family and friends
-- food
-- clothes
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
-- Switchfoot
-- FALL OUT BOY
-- Dashboard Confessional
THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY: (My way!)
-- Be with my family-- being with friends
-- be contented, smile? :D
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
-- Love is (an old song)
-- Learning to Breathe (nothing beats!)
-- Satisfaction - Fall out boy
THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
-- My cousins who are now in the states.
-- Old classmates
-- My mdm friends
THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
-- Money
-- Shooooooooeesssssss/clothes etc. lots of it.
-- Dvd's (Wala lang:D)
THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
- playing the guitar and sing
- composing
- sports, volleyball
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FORHOLIDAY:
-- Europe
-- Virginia
-- Laguna Beach =D
THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
-- none
-- none
-- i can't remember.
THREE BOY'S NAMES:
-- Chris
-- Jake
-- Nathan
THREE GIRL'S NAMES:
-- Ashley
-- Antonella
-- Liz
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:-
- Finish my studies
-- Be at two places at once (Feeling Jamie:P)
-- Get married and have kids. =D (like burn's)
My life is not a storybook.10:05 PM
..<3
